Having a random hookup so left but love u
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
