Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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