This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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