i need an iv and a liver transplant
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
