I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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