my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Then you guys just all showered together...?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
