I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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