When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
