Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
