Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
