I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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