apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
