i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
did i walk over a car last night?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
