"it" just moved
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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