just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When are your genitals available?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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