Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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