meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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