Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
