Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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