Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
im holly from the hills drunk
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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