did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
