Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
They have beer where we have blood.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
