just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
