He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
