12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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