ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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