Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
