That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
