He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
