why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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