She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
