Umm I'm too high to move.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
