IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
