I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
