i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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