discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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