Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
