I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
