So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
