and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's never too late to be topless.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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