It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My breasts were aching with rage.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
