I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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