dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
