mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
