im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
