Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
