Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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