did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
