i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
