gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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