just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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