dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
