community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
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