Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
