She's JV to your varsity
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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