Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
porn star boner night. come get it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
