i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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