I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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